Complex
by Fortune Lady Diviney
Summary: Sitting on the verge of Human Instrumentality, Shinji hears a familiar voice while drifting among the sea of the human unconscious that influences him to choose a new path. Shinji x Yui, yes seriously.
1. His mother's voice

Complex

Shinji x ?

As I sat and watched as the world around me was coming to an end. Despite all we had done, everything I knew and love was coming to an end. My consciousness screamed as it was dragged across an infinite space, filling every empty space with thoughts, emotions, and memories. I was scared ,more scared then I had been in my entire life. I didn't want things to end like this, but there was nothing else I could have done, and no one left to tell me otherwise.

Sitting in the cockpit of my Eva I curled into a fetal position and sob. Till the end, things had remained the same. Everyone had abandon me. Asuka. Rei. Miss Misato. In the end they had all left me behind, just like everyone else I had ever known. I knew I couldn't do this on my own. I exist to be ordered around by others. Without other people I have no identity, I have nothing and am nothing. Maybe now, as my mind becomes entwined with the infinite, things will finally change, maybe I won't be alone anymore.

For what seemed like forever I continued on with my face firmly pressed against my knees and both arms wrapped around my legs, sobbing in hopes that someone was left to hear me. To help me. For awhile, the actual amount of time having become irrelevant, there was nothing but darkness and the sound of my own pathetic sobbing. Till, suddenly, a voice pierced the bubble of isolation within the EVA's lonely cockpit. "Shinji..." The voice called. Soft and feminine, it brought back memories of years past when I was actually happy. Though I couldn't place just who the voiced belonged to, it filled my heart with an immense warmth.

"Who is there?" I wiped the tears from my eyes, shifting my focus from my own sorrows to the mysterious presence wrapped around me.

"You really don't recognize me, Shinji? I'm hurt." The voice let out a small giggle. Her identity lay on the tip of my tongue, but something was preventing me from spitting it out. A small block in my memory put in place to prevent any more harm from coming to my already fragile ego.

"I can't say I do." The tears had finally stopped, the despair that brought them replaced by profound confusion.

"Oh Shinji..." A distinct warmth lay upon my back and neck, as if someone was suddenly hugging me from behind. Through that warmth, the voice's identity wormed its' way to the front of my mind in the form of the image of a beautiful older woman with an intelligent glint in her eyes. She was wearing a lap coat, like many people who worked with my father, and kept her hair at a medium length. I knew I had seen her many times years ago, maybe even everyday back then! Mulling it over for awhile, I had all the time in the world after all, everything finally clicked. There was only one person that voice could belong to.

"Mother... Is that you?" Tears returned to my eyes, though for an entirely different reason then before. The warmth on the back soon spread to the rest of my body, as if to validate my feelings.

"It's good to see you again, Shinji. It's been along time, hasn't it?" I nodded, my overwhelming happiness silencing any attempt I made to speak.

"Where are you, mother? Where are you talking to me from?!"

"I've always been with you Shinji, since you've began piloting the EVA that is."

"Oh..." That explained so much. Why I kept coming back to NERV, even when everyone around me hated me. I didn't need their validation, I only need to feel her warmth. That's why I kept piloting the EVA. "Your not going to leave me again, are you mother?" A nervous sweat formed on the back of my neck despite Her warmth, I couldn't stand losing her again. Not now, not ever.

"Never, Shinji. Even if everyone else abandons you, I never will." The warmth surrounding my body shifted ever lower, lingering in the most sensitive regions of my as if to tease me. The feeling was to much, the warmth had become an searing blaze. Something I must relive before it consumed all of my entire body. With haste I unbuckled my belt and quickly removed my pants, moving my hand into action against the heat with no time to spare. The image in my mind lingered, the pretty older woman who had worked with my father, her named was Yui, I finally remember, and she was my mother.

To have thought of her in a moment like this was a sin, even I knew that, but I could not help myself.

My hand wandered lower, setting itself into a rhythmic motion meant to relieve the pressure welling up within me.

Ten years ago she had disappeared in an experiment dealing with the EVAs. Somewhere along the line a part of her must have become trapped within my Unit-01. It made sense, the Eva had moved several times without instruction to protect me. It must have been mother directing it. She was with me, just like she said. This fact, that she had loved me and been with me even after all that had happened, only made my heart beat faster and the motion of my hand up and down the nether regions of my body increased in speed, hastening the climax of all of this.

"You really are a naughty boy Shinji, doing a thing like this with your mother in the room. I don't mind, though, this is normal for a body your age after all." Her melodic voice only carried me further. Her very presence had become a turn-on. As of late I had grown to assume everyone hated me, but, in the process of self loathing, I forget the person who loved me.

The pressure building within me finally reached its critical moment, spilling white against the darkness swirling around me. The flame within had finally been stoked and with it the gentle warmth of before returned. For how awful I was, all the messed up things I did, my mother would always forgive me. Because she was the one who loved me most and she the one I loved the most. With the proof of my sin drying on the palm of my hand and her warmth wrapped around my body I drifted to sleep, my consciousness finally pulled to it's limit across all time and space.

"Is this the world you desire?" A voice echoed in my disjointed state of being. It sounded like someone I knew, or, more likely, a few people I knew. It was warm, like the voice of my mother or Ayanami, but as things were now I couldn't tell where one person ended and another began. But, at the current moment, it didn't matter.

"What world?" I questioned, my voice echoing across an endless expanse.

"To be reunited with those you care for most. The creation of such a world is possible as things are now."

"That sounds nice." I sigh, not knowing the full implications of my words.


	2. What was Wished For

"Wake up, Shinji. Your gonna be late for school." An older woman's voice drifts to my ears. She speaks in a gentle and caring tone that I haven't heard since I was little. In my mind I vaguely recall someone I knew sounding like that. She would hold me close to her chest and say over and over that everything would be all right. Back then I had hoped those days would last forever, but reality had other plans.

I rub my eyes, removing the weight of a night's sleep in the process. As the world draws into focus I see a grown woman sitting on the edge of my bed. "Masato?" I said mid-yawn. No, I stop myself and think for a moment, this woman was definitely older than Masato, even in my half asleep state I could tell that. Her face bore the burden of decades of living that Masato was years away from achieving. That eliminated Ritusko as well. I was stuck, no woman I knew sounded or looked like that. Well, there was one, but she died a long time ago.

"Come on, Shinji." She chuckles in a way that radiates warmth. "Breakfast is on the table, I made your favorite." As she speaks I finally regain the full breadth of my sense of sight, and as I do, and the mysterious woman finally comes into focus, my jaw drops. It was her. There was no doubting that. No one else was that kind to me. It had to be her.

"Mom?" I stutter, as if hoping that this wasn't a dream or some horrible joke. "Is that you?"

She holds her hand against my head as if checking for a fever. "Are you ok? Of course I'm your mother."

I calm myself. Was this what Rei was talking about? It was all to good to be true. But for now, until I could dig up the truth behind this weirdness, I just go along with it. "I'm fine." I said more for myself then her. "I just stayed up way to late doing home work.

She ruffles my hair with a cheerful smile on her face. To feel another person's warmth without condition or pretense was a feeling I'd missed for far to long. Like I did as a child I wished again that this moment would never end. "Your such a good boy, just get moving and after your done eating I'll take you to school."

My mom left the room with a flourish of her lab coat. Seeing her go I wondered how all of this had come to be, not that it mattered. This is how things should have been in the first place.

* * *

My father died when I was four. I don't know how it happened. All I remember from that day was a huge explosion of white light and everyone around me screaming. For the next month my mother wouldn't let me out of her sight. She was so hurt after losing him that she began to worry that she was going to lose me to. Things got so bad that she event insisted sleeping with me every night. But I didn't mind, I loved my mother more than anyone in the entire world.

But sometimes I think she never got over that day. That somewhere in the depths of her mind she still fears that I'm going to leave her behind. But she shouldn't worry about that. I'm never going to leave her side. Not now. Not ever.

* * *

Breakfast was quiet. I had no idea how to talk to her. It had been a decade since I'd last seen my mother. What was I supposed to say? After a few long minutes of silence I eventually settled something safe. "How are things at work?" I said in between spoonfuls of cereal.

"Pretty much the same as ever." She said with a long sigh. "Asuka-chan is being a pain. I swear Misato needs to keep that girl on a short-lease or we'll never get anything done."

It looked liked nothing much has changed. Asuka was still stubborn as ever and Misato was still her guardian. The only thing that had changed was that my mother was alive and my father wasn't. That only left...

"How is Rei doing?" I asked with some concern. She a clone my father created. If mom was alive, then she shouldn't exist, right?

Mom gave me a strange look that said I should very well know the answer to my question. "You train with her almost every day, you should know how she is doing."

"Oh, right."

"You really were up to late weren't you?" She laughs again.

Soon after breakfast was over and the time for school had finally come. Riding with mom was nice, compared to being with Masato as least. We talked about school, my grades and friends, and gossiped about all of her colleagues at NERV. It was idle chit-chat, but it was the small things like this that showed that she really loved me.

As the small car finally reached my school, I opened the door and waved goodbye to mom. But before I could get out she pouted as if I had done something wrong.

"What's wrong, did I forget something?"

"Aren't you going to kiss your mom goodbye?" She sounded genuinely offended that I had forgotten.

It was a strange request, but I was in no place to refuse someone so important to me. Leaning across the front seat and positioned my head to kiss her on the cheek. Mother had something different in mind and quickly took hold of my head to firmly planted her lips on mine. Within a few seconds she had slipped her tongue into my mouth as well. I wanted to pull away, to tell her that this was wrong. But I didn't, I let our tongues and saliva to intermingle for nearly a minute before she finally pulled away, leaving nothing but confusion in my mind.

"Have a good day, Shinji!" She smiled as she brushed away what remained of my saliva from her lips. "I'll see you after school."

As her car sped away, I was left to wonder how something that should had been wonderful had become so fucked up.

* * *

This fic is honestly the hardest thing I've ever tried to write. But I really do love Yui x Shinji as a pairing. It is wonderfully messed up and fits the Freudian nature of the series well.

So as usual, review and let me know what you think~


	3. Inner Demons

My life wasn't a bad one. Though my father was dead and gone my mother did everything in her power to make up for it. From making me lunch every morning to tucking me in at night she was the best mother any child could ever ask for. All she asked in exchange was I stay by her side, she couldn't take losing another person so close to her.

At first that simply meant being around while she went about her day. I never tired of watching her cook or help with to clean the apartment simply because it made her happy. But as I got older her requests grew in scope, when I was nine she asked that I sleep with her when possible. I didn't think it was strange at the time, being a small child and all, and her bed was far nicer then the rough construct that I had spent every previous night sleeping in.

Every night from then on I spent nestled close to my mother's beating heart while she wrapped her arms gently around me. It was a calming feeling that I could find nowhere else in the entire world. In those days my mother often mused that she wished things could stay as they were forever. Back then I didn't know just how serious she was. But as the years went by and I began to outgrow the habits of my early childhood, my mother insisted on continuing our nightly ritual. But what had once been pure and comforting had become awkward and strange.

In many ways, there was not room in that bed for the both of us. I wasn't a little kid anymore, yet she still treated me like one. It was becoming painfully obvious that the Shinji she wanted was the small child who was there they day her husband feel out of her life. I just wasn't that boy anymore. I had a life apart from her and it seemed like she had issue with that fact.

One day at breakfast, shortly after I turned thirteen, my mother asked me the strangest question I had ever heard.

"Soooo," She gazed directly at me, an intense aura cloaking her entire body. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

I hesitated. It was a fairly normal question, but the way she asked was strange; like a girl asking if her boyfriend was cheating on her. "Ummmm..." My mind raced for an answer. I didn't know what she wanted to hear and the wrong answer could be dangerous. "Not really, I have a lot of friend but I think it would be too much work to have a girlfriend now."

"That's to bad." She spoke with a gentle sigh. "I knew someone who is very, very, interested in you." Her stare remained firmly fixed on me. So intense was her gaze that sweat began to trickle down the back of my neck. No good could come of this.

"Oh, who?" I felt as if I was digging my grave by asking such a thing, but my curiosity had gotten the better of me.

My mother didn't answer with words. But instead rose from her seat around our apartment's kitchen table and put her right hand on my shoulder. As she did an unsettling chill shot through my body. The way she had stared at me finally made sense. It was the gaze of a predator eying perspective prey.

"Now just stay calm, Shinji. I promise I'll be gentle." With one swift moment she had placed her lips upon mine. As she did my whole body felt as if it was on fire. The warmth was intense but familiar, like the feelingI had felt sleeping with her ages ago multiplied 1000 fold. And as much as my mind told me to pull away and forget that this had ever happened, I didn't. Instead I just sat as she slipped her tongue into my mouth. It felt good.

After school I walked home alone. Normally I would have found Asuka or Rei and chatted about NERV related issues for a little while; but today there was something important I had to deal with first. Though the walk home was a short one, today it seemed to take forever. As my mind played out the scene of earlier that morning time itself seemed to crawl to a stand still. The world around me ceased to exist. All that I could think of were her lips pushed ever so gently against mine.

It was a thought that brought a confusing mix of shame and joy two the forefront of my mind.. On one had it hadn felt wonderful but on the other SHE WAS MY FREAKING MOM! You don't kiss your mother like that, it was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. A mother and her son should never be more then family. It was wrong... I repeated the same words over and over as I walked the lonely path the apartment I called home.

And sure enough, as I rang the door bell, She was the one who opened the door.

"I'm home." I muttered in dejection.

"Welcome home, Shinji." Mom was smiling. I was not. How could she be so happy after everything that had happened?

I followed her into the kitchen and put a hand on her shoulder. We needed to talk.

"Is something wrong, love?" Her words struck through my heart like an arrow. They resonated in the same way her kiss had.

"Why did you kiss me like that?!"

She gave me a confused look, as if she honestly didn't know why I would ask such a thing. " Why...? Don't be silly Shinji, we do that every morning."

Every morning. Every morning...? What was wrong with this world that a mother would treat her son like this!? Only one thing came to mind.

"Are we a couple...?"

As Mom nodded I fainted.

When I came to, I found myself in bed staring at an unfamiliar white ceiling. As I sat up I soon found the rest of the room was much the same. Unadorned with anything save for the bed in which I lay, the room around me was without windows nor doors.

And across from me sat, me? At least it looked like me. A boy in his early teen wearing a white dress shirt, pants, and a sullen look plastered across his face. After a long moment of silence, his gaze soon met mine.

"Hey." He said in a dejected way.

"Hey." I responded in turn.

"You shouldn't treat Yui like that, you know?"

"She made out with me! That isn't normal!" I screamed. The Other Me just rolled his eyes.

"Maybe for you it isn't. But you shouldn't judge people like that."

"Why not? It's my life."

"Not really, it's MY life. Your just experiencing it for a little while."

My head reeled. None of this made sense. How could I be living someone else life?

"How is that possible?"

"Weren't you listening when Ayanami was explaining all this stuff? You had the power to change the world! You wanted to feel your mother's warmth again and this was the result."

This was my fault? I had wished for this? It couldn't be true. I would have never wished all of this. It had to have been someone else's fault.

"Trust me it isn't." The other me laughed as he seemingly read my thoughts. "You wanted to see your mom again and that wish certainly came true, didn't it?"

"Even if I wished for this, what should I do now?" I stood on the verge of tears. If this really was my fault it was just another in a long list of things I had screwed up. I had was able to change everything for the better and I messed that up to.

"As I see it you've got two choices here, Me. You either accept you screwed up and put everything the way it was before or you stay here and forget the other world even existed in the first place. Your memories will be rewritten and you'll have a nice little life with Yui." He sat on the edge of my bed and flashed a wicked smile. "Now what will it be?"


End file.
